Many work to avoid using the word ‘no’ with their dogs, an ambitious and admirable goal. I’ve observed that avoiding using the word does not equal eradication of negative communication when working with and living with our dogs. The essence of ‘No’ can creep into our interaction with our dogs, especially when we are annoyed, disappointed (in ourselves or in them—it is interconnected). Once it’s crept in it can easily become a habit For example: correction or dismissal without redirection or teaching new skills removes or blocks the option of growth.
I refer to habitual negative communication with dogs as “No-Growth” Loops (NGL). We are the ones who create these loops. So it is within our power to diminish the number of times we say, with words or actions, “No” to our dogs. If our dogs are receiving negative messages from us then we are placing ourselves in opposition to our dogs. Reliance on negatives can lead to a diminished connection with our dogs.
Explanation and Examples of NGL’s
First, I will take a brief look at the most common forms of NGL’s that I’ve observed and next, I’ll explore the variety of creative and constructive ways to begin smoothing out the NGL’s in human/dog relationships.
Objectifying dogs has become the norm, placing most of the analysis and responsibility for change on the dog. For the purpose of this post, the dog’s behavior is antecedent to handler behavior. The human’s reaction is the subject with the goal being to alter the human’s behavior going forward.
NGL’s often impede growth in relationships and will not reverse by themselves. Once we recognize this pattern, we can begin making our time with our dogs stronger and healthier. by choosing to change our focus from ‘look at all the things I don’t have.’ to the ‘OMGosh Look what I have!’.
Finding, Defining and Growing the Good you Have Now
There has to be a starting point, right? Sometimes a starting point is visualizing what a correct behavior from your dog would look like. This can help you reduce situations in which attempts to achieve a desired training or behavior goal may have evolved into a pattern leading to mutual disappointment due to lack of success. Working away from negatives in one or two situations feels better for dog and handler alike so how can you reframe what you are working toward?
Often, the ideal or correct choice for the dog to make exists primarily in the handler’s mind as an abstract behavior, magical and illusive yet which somehow should be innate to their dog (Bridge to Frustration). If you can take what you think you want to see and make it tangible then you can begin teaching your dog skills that will help them cope with what they are being asked to do.
Begin with a an informal inventory of what is currently getting in your way or not working for you. Putting this on paper helps you get perspective and perspective leads to productive planning!
Evaluate and analyze an undesired behavior you would like to diminish in your dog with the long term goal of seeing it fade into a memory:
Is it organic to your dog? Example of digging, lunging at cars/bikes.
If self-reinforcing behavior, when is your dog able to practice this and how can you curb the opportunities?
Did you inadvertently reinforce a behavior in your dog? If so, how do you explain to your dog that you were mistaken!
Is your reaction to the dog’s behavior proportional to what they are doing?
Have you clearly articulated to yourself first and then to your dog what you would like to see from them? If not then can you do this?
Distance can be your silent helper. Sometimes expectations need to be put aside or walked away from until an effective plan can be created by you for both of you.
If you are upset they are upset. To the best of your ability, stop practicing behaviors that are not working.
This list is your NGL foundation document.
Now it’s time to assess and access untapped goodness!
Exercising the Good You Have Now
Begin initiating positive communication between our dogs and ourselves as a project like you would with a young child.
Identifying ~Yes~: When presenting your dog with options what does your good dog look like? Are they being placed in situations in which making good choices is challenging for them?
Name good choices your dog has been making. Observing your dog’s actions both while you are training them and while you are living with them should provide you with at least three or four skills they are proficient at now. Recognizing their good actions gives you the chance to give them credit for skills already being practiced.
What does “yes” sound like? Here are just a few examples of that awesome concept in motion
“Great Job!”
“You’re Awesome”
Clicking and treating great choices
“Oh my gosh, I had no idea you could do that”
Clapping!
Smiling back at them…….because who doesn’t appreciate eye contact and a happy face?
Identifying and Utilizing the Skill Available Today
For me, an immediate strategy to address NGL’s is to actively look for any and all things my dog does well and I follow that up with skills my dogs may or not be proficient at but that they really seem to enjoy doing. If you are having a hard time doing this, think about skills your dog has that you may take for granted and put those skills down at the top of the list.
As a starting point I want stressless training sessions to each day to be possible. I make a table with ten ‘CanDo’ skills my dog has right now. With ten ‘success moments’ written down my goal is to add two or three short training sessions a day where we practice a few of the known cues. And they don’t have to be formal training sessions you can add a short sessions before meal times.
This has an immediate brightening effect on both you and your dog. Most of our dogs are smarter and better trained than we give them credit for. Practicing, polishing and expanding on what they already know adds untapped positive energy to your time with them with literally zero negative impact.
Now I have material I can use for a variety of fun short training sessions at home or on the road. A way to grow the technique of playing to your dog’s strengths is to pay attention to how it feels to train to your dogs strengths.
It is learning to lean into winning!
Copyright Emily Rogeness 2020
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